PFO Newsletter - 06.05.24

If you do one thing today, you must RESTART YOUR PHONE. (Keep reading to hear why…and please wait until after you’ve read this. Ha!)

Since we last talked, school is out here in South Carolina, my in-laws from Indianapolis visited and our sweet dog Addy has been recovering really well since I hit her with my car over a month ago (ugh…I’ll forever feel horrible about it). 

But, what I really want to share with you is something that’s been a hot topic, lately: equal partnership. 

John and I have been together since the late 90s and our journey to being equal partners in life, at work and at home has been ONGOING. As has our fashion evolution. :)

We talk about it this week on the podcast — how we’ve partnered together, the terms that need to go, like “breadwinner” and “stay at home”, and the ideals we both took into marriage.

It’s a conversation I’m excited about and also VERY NERVOUS to share with you all. Because it’s the most personal we’ve been about our journey and the VERY rare and courageous decision John made when he put his career dreams on hold to pursue mine. 

But, the tension we’ve most had to work through is who is doing what at home. The statistics reveal that women do about two-thirds of the work at home, which creates so much tension in relationships because we become burned out and bitter, then we feel invalidated.

And, often, we’d rather do it ourselves because it’s “just easier”. It’s not a good place to be for either partner. And it’s not fair that the domestic load, which is 24/7, should be carried by one partner. Resentment and invalidation start to creep in and the relationship suffers.

Who does the majority of the domestic labor/unpaid tasks in your household?

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Here’s what’s really saved us.

  1. First, we sit down and discuss all the tasks that go into a home/family. (We used the FAIRPLAY system for this — you’ll have a chance to win the bundle, below). 

  2. Then, we divvy those tasks equally. And, we each take OWNERSHIP of our tasks. 

  3. We discuss the expectations for each task so that one partner isn’t telling the other “If you wanted it done your way, you should have done it yourself!” (Guilty! That’s been me!)

I hope our conversation helps you, even if you’re in a co-parenting or blended family. You aren’t alone on this journey, friend!

— Paula

FARIS FAVORITES 🤎

1. What I’m Doing 📱

I’m turning my phone off. Why? Our nation’s top spy agency, the National Security Agency, is once again sharing its ‘mobile device best practices’ list and they say that turning your phone off AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK will help ensure your phone habits aren’t exposing you to scams. This isn’t new advice, but it’s imperative.

2. This Year’s Father’s Day Gift for the Grill Master

My husband made the BEST steaks with THIS rub. It’s an activated charcoal that creates an incredible bark/crust. The best part? No MSG. No artificial colors and it’s Keto friendly. Plus, it’s under $15 right now! 

3. GIVEAWAY 🎉

John and I are gifting four FAIRPLAY bundles (the cards and the book) to help save your relationship and get healthy conversations about the domestic load started in your home.

Be one of the first to DM me with your mailing address to win.

Too Good Not to Share 😘

This dog is living his best life…and also, the most adorable! I can’t even take how much he enjoys this!

THE PAULA FARIS SHOW 🎙️

Our Ongoing Journey to Being Equal Partners At Work and At Home

It’s the most vulnerable John and I have ever been about our 25+ year relationship, as we talk about the tensions we’ve navigated in our marriage and how we’ve fumbled our way to being equal partners, at home and at work. In this conversation, you’ll hear about the scary and supportive decision John made for me early on and how we’ve figured out a way to share the load at home.

Answering Your Questions About Tween And Teen Boys with David Thomas - Part 2

Therapist David Thomas is back, answering all your questions about TWEEN and TEEN boys! Your questions ranged from gaming, discipline and phone use to substance use, and body image. David, the Executive Director of Daystar Counseling, will help you navigate these years and give you SO MUCH HOPE.

Your feedback from last newsletter’s poll…

In our last poll, about 66% of you said that May is busier than December. Here are some of your responses.

➡️ In May there are more outside activities to participate in, and with longer days, there’s more and later time for the myriad of outdoor games and practices.

➡️ Yes, May is busier than December for me, anyway, since I am a teacher! As you mentioned, field trips, end of the year awards, etc, but also grading, report cards, q files, prepping the certificates for the end of the year program, etc! Then, in my family, we have Mother's Day, and two family birthdays!

➡️ Last daughter graduated from college this month, but otherwise May is the beginning of relaxing summer season.

➡️ I don't have kids (at least not human, mine is four-legged!), so my May is just another month!

➡️ I still feel like there are more concerts and family obligations to attend in December than May, but I definitely agree that May is crazy busy!

Join the Conversation!

If you’ve made it this far, I invite you to join (or start) the conversation in our comments section. What would you like to share? -Paula

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