Just what we needed...

Plus, why grieving is necessary

October 13, 2025

Hi friends-

Hope you’re enjoying the cooler temperatures that October brings. Fall has always been my favorite season because of the vibrant colors, college football and sweatshirt weather. I’m in good company because this time of year remains America’s fave, as well! 

We just had our fall break, so we took a quick trip to Asheville (NC) to visit the Biltmore House and to also pour into Asheville’s economy after Hurricane Helene. 

Asheville is a quick 2-hour drive from where we now live in Upstate South Carolina and our trip was JUST what our family needed. I’m realizing that our family getaways don’t have to be lavish nor do they have to consist of a full week. Sometimes all we need is to hop in the car and spend a few nights in another city. 

The Biltmore was definitely the highlight of the trip, and my interest has 1000% been peaked due to watching HBO’S The Gilded Age, which is loosely based on the Vanderbilt family. But, we made the most of our trip, from chocolate shops to bookstores, arcades and the most amazing tacos we’ve ever tasted–if you’d like some ideas of what to do in Asheville, check out my Instagram post HERE. 

In other news, I just launched my month-long podcast series on GRIEF + LOSS, with Dr Henry Cloud, Annie F Downs and Jessica N Turner. As I’ve shared, the loss of my mother earlier this year has rocked my world and I’ve felt rudderless and absolutely NOT like myself.

Loss affects every single one of us: loss of dreams, loss of loved ones, loss of relationships, loss of dreams, etc. Loss is inevitable. Grieving that loss is necessary. Grieving is GOOD.

I’m learning that when we don’t process our grief, when we don’t metabolize it, it shows up as physical UNHEALTH: anger and mood disorders, performance issues, relational barriers, etc. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, but there is a process to it. Not to sound repetitive, but we MUST GRIEVE our losses. 

I pray that you find a lot of hope in this series, I’ll also be sharing your Grief/Loss stories in this newsletter throughout the month. 

This one is from Lisa. As I sign off, may you feel the profound love and hope in her grief story. 

Until next time, friends. 

-Paula xo

“I lost my first husband Jon, the father of my kids 16 years ago to cancer. He was 33. Grief is so hard and no one wants to talk about it. It feels heavy, hopeless and it feels like everyone else moves on without you. There’s an expectation in our society, even in churches, that we can grieve for a year and after that we have to have our lives back together. It’s spoken, it’s implied, it’s expected, and you’re “stuck” if you grieve after that. But that is such a disservice to the grieving and what they lost. Grief ebbs and flows, it’s never linear. My grief story is still going. It’s been 16 years since my husband passed, and I miss him every day. God has done tremendous healing in my life, restored hope to my life. I am now remarried to a wonderful man (coming up on our 9th anniversary), and he is the most patient, understanding and loving man. He encourages us to keep Jon’s memory alive and never feels threatened by what I had. He loves my kids as his own, and I am so thankful. He is such a gift. Thank you for doing this series! I look forward to the insight you bring to it. ❤️-Lisa”

FARIS FAVORITES 🤎

1. Our Fall Break Getaway!

Visit the BILTMORE and support Asheville 🫶. The whole place and experience is magical! It’s the perfect family getaway, or couples outing. John and I plan on going back, just the two of us, for a much different Asheville and Biltmore experience. 

2. Getting stains out of your kids sports clothes…

Thank you to Joanie C. and Brooke P. for sharing their sage advice on how to get stains out of white baseball pants. (I mentioned in my last newsletter that my youngest son just started playing 12U baseball) Joanie swears by BIZ, when her son played high school football and eventually went on to play in the NFL. Brooke loves ZOTE soap, which she claims cleans white baseball pants “like nothing you’ve ever seen”. I’m taking your advice ladies, and sharing it here for everyone else to enjoy.

3. Giveaway - Lysa TerKeurst’s New Book!

In keeping with our grief/loss podcast series, I’m giving away 5 copies of Lysa TerKeurst’s upcoming book, “Surviving an Unwanted Divorce”. Lysa is a dear friend and watching her walk through absolute hell and now seeing her on the other side of it is nothing short of a miracle. If you want a copy of Surviving an Unwanted Divorce, DM me on Instagram with your mailing address. Or, reply to this email with your mailing address.

In our last poll, I asked how you’ve processed the heavy news lately. 64% of you said you’ve stayed silent. Here are some of your comments: 

 ➡️ “I certainly have many strong feelings, but just don't feel the need to add to all that is out there already being said. And in trying to stick to Christian principles, want to avoid contributing to strife and arguments, and don't want to tempt myself... or waste my time on it.”

 ➡️ “I've stayed mostly silent and respectful. Love others no matter the differences. As Christians (Catholics and Protestants) we have to do this, we are commanded to.”

 ➡️ “I talk to close friends or family members that I can trust to help me process and not judge me.”

 ➡️ “The news is constant, when it is too much you can always turn it off.”

 ➡️ “There is way too much noise in our world and I don’t want to add to it.”

 ➡️ “Well I tend to get inpatient when I am stressed and this causes more problems. I wish I stayed silent. Plus I work for the federal government so it is not like we can talk about this at work.”

 ➡️ “Mostly I don't put much out there. Between friends we talk and my husband and I (who voted differently from me) will try and have productive conversations. It's just all been A LOT.”

 ➡️ “I took a break from social media for a week. It was all too much. Even now, I’m on it way less than I used to be. It’s how I protect my mind and heart. I’m not naive and uninformed but social media isn’t the place to have these intense conversations. It’s all so heavy and we’ve lost the ability to see beyond words and political parties.”

 ➡️ “I have reevaluated my positions and self-reflected.”

 ➡️ “I appreciate this message from you. I have felt very similarly. It feels like the recent events have been harder to process, so much sadness and hurt from people for a variety of different reasons and I don’t even know what to do or say next. I have so many thoughts and feelings but don’t know if they need to be shared or just processed with my family.”

 ➡️ “I have been shocked at what some of my friends put on the internet for all to see. It made me really want to keep silent. I have even wanted to unfollow some close friends over what they have posted but I decided to let it go and agree to disagree without ever telling them so!”

THE PAULA FARIS SHOW 🎙️

PERIMENOPAUSE: Why Ages 45–50 Are So Risky for Women—and How to Get Help

The ages of 45–50 can be some of the hardest years of a woman’s life. We’re in the thick of perimenopause and menopause, often juggling teenagers, aging parents, and careers—all while our hormones are shifting dramatically. It’s no surprise that suicide rates peak for women in this age range.

In this final episode of our month-long series on PERIMENOPAUSE, I share deeply personal stories alongside Dr. Jen Ashton and Aarti Sequeira about the mental health challenges women face in midlife. We discuss grief, anxiety, rage, and the silent struggles many of us go through—and, most importantly, we talk about help, hope, and the power of speaking up.

This is a safe, honest space to acknowledge the dark moments, break the stigma, and remind ourselves: you are not alone.

📌 If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7.

GOOD GRIEF: Why Grieving our Losses is Necessary and What Happens When We Don't

All month long, I’m in conversation with Dr. Henry Cloud, Annie F. Downs (author/podcaster), and Jessica N. Turner (author) for a series on GRIEF and LOSS. Together, we explore why grief is not just a response to loss, but a necessary process for healing and growth.

In this episode, I share the profound losses in my own life—the passing of my mom, the earlier loss of my dad, and the unexpected ending of my TV career—and we dive into how these experiences ripple through our bodies, minds, and hearts. Dr. Cloud explains why unprocessed grief can linger and affect every single area of our lives, while Annie and Jessica share personal stories of loss that go beyond the death of a loved one—from divorce to the loss of a dream to heartbreaking family experiences.

We’ll talk about why society often pressures us to “move on,” why women in particular feel the need to appear like they’ve got it all together, and how listening to our bodies and giving ourselves permission to feel can help us metabolize grief.

This is the first step in understanding grief not as something to get over, but as a journey to live through—and ultimately, a way to carry our losses while still moving forward with hope.

Join the Conversation!

If you’ve made it this far, I invite you to join (or start) the conversation in our comments section. What would you like to share? -Paula

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